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Hi there! I am Archibald Campbell but my friends just call me ‘Archie’. I live in a row of heritage-listed Victorian townhouses, built in 1850 on Argyle Square. It’s in the colourful borough of Camden, though some of my posher friends like to call it North Bloomsbury. To make no bones about it, it’s in Kings Cross and it’s totally cool. Really! It’s the real deal London.

Argyle Square has seen curious events in its history, from being London’s largest ash dump in 1831 to getting bombed in the 1941 Blitz. Even curiouser, it might be standing within a minute Space-Time wormhole created by accident in 1881, when scientists messed up local electromagnetic fields, during secret experiments at the Pancras Gasworks... Fiction or alternative reality? Who knows?

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This could explain the surprising sightings in the neighbourhood, the occasional weird sounds coming from the green, why no two rooms are alike and why some ceiling cornices appear to disappear.

In any case, should you experience any sensory displacement while in residence, stay calm and have a cup of tea...or hang out with us in the TOAST B&B lounge, a true British institution (that’s Booze & Breakfast). We have fine single malts, regional wines, craft beers, marmalades, cheeses, smoked fish, charcuterie ...all survival essentials to sit-out the end of the world or greet the start of a new dawn.

Some days, the house cook will prepare something impromptu and leave it in the tipsy-turvy pantry. It’s pot luck but always a decent bite. Whenever you are in the ‘B&B’, if the world feels upside-down and you’re sober...then maybe that’s just the way it’s meant to be.

So where was I...? Ah yes! About your pad…There are just 33 keys here, so we have a cosy community of originals, seeking a personalised travel experience. They are all different spaces but designed with a common thematic scheme by a chap called Henry, a London story-teller and occasional time-traveller. To make life simple, there are six categories of accommodation to choose, from ‘Tiny King’ to ‘Junior Suite’.

The interior design reflects a private residence that has stood here for over 170 years, evolving with each new generation. So in every room, you will find solid oak flooring, vintage mirrors, fluted glass, bespoke English joinery, tactile Scottish textiles, metal industrial lamps, crisp comfy bedding, upholstered headboard with Argyle pattern stitching… all brought together in an elegant palette of greys, charcoal, black and pewter with the occasional moss green accent.

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But wait! It does not stop here. They are also some rather zany details. Your luggage can be stored in drawers under the bed (that will keep anything else from hiding there). Your coffee table is on an original Victorian cast-iron coal hole cover. An airline trolley is repurposed to hold your bathroom toiletries. The wardrobe stands as a whimsical homage to two British fiction writers: C.S. Lewis and Lewis Carroll. The lambswool bed throw is a conceptual graphic art piece to wrap yourself into Time and Space. Did I mention the credenza’s lion head knocker? It’s the same as on the door of 10 Downing Street.

The dashing wee laddie printed on the pillows is ‘me, myself and I’. If I am going to loyally look after you, every day, it’s only fair that I get the top spot on the bed…don’t you think?

So if you’re into Gardening and Astrophysics, Victorian London and Progressive House, Scotland and Nova Scotia...or even if you don’t, I will make sure that you are as pampered as I am.

Just don’t compare us to any other hotel, please! It’s just a modest residence. Make it your own to enjoy, anytime, whether for just a drink, a meeting or a good night’s a dog’s life and one has to try living it fully. Carpe Diem!